


Change

by sasukewasameme



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Yagami Light Is Not Kira (Death Note), Angst, Character Development, Good Yagami Light, It Gets Worse, Kidnapping, Light Yagami-centric, Light is 18, Light-centric, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasukewasameme/pseuds/sasukewasameme
Summary: The Task Force is kidnapped. L and Light convince the kidnappers to let the others go but what will happen to them? Will they escape? And if they do, will they ever be the same?Light-centric tragedy.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

It was a normal, calm day of work for the Task Force when they were kidnapped. They didn't see it coming and by the time L and Light had figured it out, it was already too late. But how? How had someone tricked L and Light so easily? 

The answer is simple: with the element of surprise. They hadn't expected any of this to happen and therefore didn't see it coming, giving the kidnappers an advantage. The kidnappers had hacked into their computer system and while they panicked, trying to block the hacks, the room filled with chloroform vapor.

When everyone was passed out, the kidnappers quickly cleared the room of the gas and kidnapped the Task Force. It was a simple plan but an effective one. It all worked out perfectly.

When the members of the Task Force wake up, they each take in their surroundings at their own pace. Surprisingly, worry is etched on both Light and L's faces. L because he hadn't predicted this coming and he wonders who could have tricked him of all people and Light because he's not sure what the kidnappers want with them.

Suddenly, men with masks burst through the door, a few with guns. "Put your hands up," yells one with a hurried voice. The Task Force slowly raise their hands and everyone finds themselves glancing towards L, hoping he has a plan. 

And he does. But the chances of it working are low. 

L gives Light a look and he seems to catch on almost right away and nods so slight that only L would notice. L gives a slight nod back. They're still chained together which will slow them down but it should work other than that.

Then, they both quickly stand up and run at the men with guns. They were taking a chance but the likelihood that the men would actually shoot them to death was quite low. 

They clearly needed them alive or they would've come in the room in a predatory stance; not a defensive one. The goal was that even if Light or L get shot, they will still be able to take the gunman down which would mean taking down the threats. Then, the rest of the Task Force would only naturally attack the unarmed ones and they'd find the keys and leave as soon as possible.

There is no "everyone" in this plan. Light and L would be left behind, shot and wounded.

And this plan fails because even when L and Light attack the men and get shot in doing so, the others refuse to leave them behind and try helping them out which only leaves a 0.7% chance of the plan's likeliness to work. This is because the rest of the Task Force helping them out slows them down majorly which completely slims their chances.

L is once again reminded why he chooses to work alone. Having other people around is a liability. It's harsh but true. In relationships, you're only bound to get hurt because when you're in a situation like this, where you sacrifice yourself to save others, they're too selfish to leave you behind. They don't want that on their conscience. 

The Task Force are unsurprisingly caught way before ethey can even consider where the exit is. Their plan was for naught and now L and Light are shit, putting them at an even bigger disadvantage. There's only one plan left that L can think of but, again, it would mean sacrificing himself and Light. 

He's positive these men don't want them dead, "them" meaning him and Light - they're too valuable for many reasons, one including that Light is far too good looking for them to want him to leave. Another reason being that Light happens to be attached to L and they don't have the key to the handcuffs, meaning they'll have to stick together, even if one of them dies.

L looks over to Light. The teen is in obvious pain. L finds himself starting to notice the pain now too and it's not a nice feeling. Before the pain can be too excruciating to talk, L quickly turns to the men who recaught them. "Take me and Light" - he gestures to Light so they know who he is - "but let the others go."

Soichiro is in clear disagreement but L refuses to listen to him. "We are valuable to you. The others aren't." At first, Light looks scared and L can't help but wonder if he's feigning it. But what would he get out of looking fearful other than regret? He decides it's real.

Just as he's about to tell Light that he should be grateful for his father leaving rather than fearful for himself not, he looks into the men's eyes and says, "he's right. They mean nothing of value to you. Just take us." Light's courage admittedly catches L off but not quite surprised either. He simply gauges the men's reactions.

And because the runner of this kidnapping is smarter thant he others, a voice comes on the invisible intercom saying to "let the others go because dead bodies would only mean trouble to them." In other words, it's better to have the others alive and escaped than dead bodies they have to deal with. 

Dead bodies means more jail time if caught. They don't want that. 

The men start shoveling the other Task Force members out, again using guns to threat them. "I won't leave my son here," Soichiro yells out. But the men don't care. They just want them gone. Before leaving the room, they put sacks on each Task Member's head so they don't see where they are located.

The men close the door sharply behind them and lock it. L and Light can hear Soichiro's protests down the hall, to the left, to the right, to the right, to the left, and to the left again until his yells start to disappear. The building is bigger than they thought which slims their chances even more. 

With all that's happened, only 40 minutes have passed and the shots on Light and L are painful but not anywhere near deadly enough to kill them. The bullets are closer to sharp bebe gun bullets that dig into your skin than bullets that are deadly. The bullets act like knives; they embed in your skin and block the blood flow but when you take them out is when the real deadliness starts.

After several minutes of silence, they the doorknob shake and the sound of an unlock. A masked woman comes in to take their bullets out and stop the bleeding. And it's painful. It burns and burns. It's the exact definition of excruciating. 

When she's done with them, they are left alone with their thoughts, dreading what's likely to happen next.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major Trigger Warning. I'll explain more later but you can skip these terribly triggering chapters if you only came here to read about the aftermath of the rape. I'll tell you what chapter the aftermath starts when I know, alright?

Light is scared. He's not an idiot and understands the way some of the men had looked at him. Their intentions mean nothing good for him. He tries desperately not to think about what's going to happen to him.

But worry consumes him. 

How will he be able to deal with this? Will he ever be the same? He considers it and think that maybe he'd rather die than be raped. He hasn't been raped before but from the way it sounds, he'll want to be dead by the time it's over. He doesn't want this to happen and even prays to a God he doesn't believe in.

He can see L looking at him, gauging his reaction. And it annoys him because why would he be investigating Light when something terrible is likely to happen to them. Doesn't L realize that rape and torture are worse than death? 

Because of the way things are going, things aren't looking too good for L himself. If these guys want information from him and confirmation that he's L, torture is a possibility. Later that day, a man with two body guards comes in and walks up to Light.

L moves to kick him but the bodyguards look like they won't let him get away with anything so he stops midway and tells himself he'll wait and see what happens before trying anything. The man looks at Light carefully, analyzing him, before happily saying, "perfect. Just perfect. He'll do nicely."

Light looks fearfully into the man's face before averting his eyes, looking down. And that's when he wishes he hadn't. The man had a hard-on and he felt disgusted. Disgusted with himself for creating such a reaction in the man and disgusted by the man for so shamelessly flaunting his kinks and pleasures regarding Light.

"How old are you?" The man asks. Light finds himself almost speechless and finds it hard to speak. He forces the words out of his mouth. He's never felt like this before. "I'm 18." When he sees the man's reaction, Light decides that maybe he should've lied about being older. "He's still a teenager," the man calls out, almost happily. 

Once again, Light finds himself disgusted. 

The man leaves the room. "Are you okay, Light?" L asks. But what kind of question is that? What do you say to someone who's about to be raped? Light nods anyway. And it's unconvincing. L considers telling Light that the chances of him being Kira are even less now because Kira would kill these men but decides it might be too insensitive.

Two hours later, the man comes back, this time with a chain in hand and four guards following him. 

He walks up to Light again and threatening both Light and L with guns, the man slips the chain around Light's neck and locks it. He pulls Light and L forward and they get up to follow the man, following him carefully so as not to get shot by the guns. Light feels as if he's floating above his body. What's going to happen to him? Will he be able to handle getting raped?

The men escort Light and L to a room with a bed in the middle of it. There are chains on the bed and that alone confirms that Light will likely be violated. Never has Light felt such a darkness than standing in this room where his days of torture will begin.

The men threaten Light and L into getting on the bed and then lock Light up, binding him to the bed. Then, they lock L up next to him, making him unable to move his arms or legs. Light gives L a look and L sees the hope for reassurance coming from Light's eyes. Too bad he can't give it to him. Light's expression changes into fear. He's really alone. 

Not even the great L can do anything about what's going to happen.

He's all alone in this. There's no one he can rely on but himself. And, suddenly, the room feels cold and vacant, even though there's six other people in there. 

When the men leave the room, L immediately tries finding any sort of painless way to get Light out of the chains. All solutions come to a dead end and there's a silence between them. A silence that speak for itself and it says, "escape is impossible." Light isn't sure how he's supposed to feel and L doesn't know how to console him.

Then, sincerely, L says, "I'm sorry, Light." He's sorry that this is going to happen to him because Light doesn't deserve this. Light Yagami doesn't. Innocent, memory-less Light doesn't. Light says nothing. Nothing can be said. Another half of the day passes before anything else happens. Light and L are given water and nothing to eat.

Then, half an hour later the door opens and the man from earlier walks in with a black blindfold. He puts it on Light while he struggles against the chains to no avail. Not even five minutes later, another man comes in. L immediately knows tlehat the man wants. The man walks to the bed and pulls his pants down. 

Light struggles until the chains cut into his wrists and leave bruises. The man cralws onto the bed in a predatory stance and hovers his body over Light's. Light squirms as the man pulls his shirt up and starts to lick his nipples. The amount of embarrassment Light feels is unexplainable.

"Stop," he says desperately but the man only smiles against his skin and his penis hardens. Light feels disgusted. "You're beautiful," comes the man's gruff voice. And Light hates himself because he tries to be stronger than L in life but he's anything but strong right now. 

The man takes Light's other nipple into his mouth and Light gasps in panic and then holds his breath, trying not to give away any weakness. But his own body and his own world isn't under his control. His body is being controlled by someone else and his life is already over. 

It's at this moment that Light decides he can't handle this. He can't take it. His mind will break, if it's not already breaking. But Light is stubborn and he still clings to life. Even as the man moves lower and Light tries to get the man's hands off of his pants, he stays strong and refuses to let himself give in to thoughts of suicide.

But when the man proceeds to touch his penis, Light breaks. Or maybe it's the first time he's noticed himself breaking and he already broke a while ago. The man takes extreme pleasure in hardening Light's penis, making sure his body likes it in a sick attempt to make Light hate himself for "liking" it. 

When the man's done, he spreads Light's legs which proves to be hard. Light keeps his legs as tight together as he possibly can and cries out in frustration and fear when the man's hands win over his legs. Tears fall down his face and he involuntarily sobs. 

His entire body shakes from his sobs and he tries to keep silent, not wanting L to see him so weak but he can't help it. This is when Light decides he'd rather be dead than have to deal with this. He rubs his wrists against the chains hard, attempting to slit his wrists with the sharp metal on them. 

He hopes he can kill himself before the man full on rapes him but his stomach drops when he feels something against his anal cavity. The man pulls back from Light for a second before snapping his hips forward harshly, entering Light so roughly that Light feels as if he's being torn apart.

He yells out and prays to God to please, please help. But the man doesn't stop. He keeps tearing him apart, only finding Light's yells to be pleasurable. It burns and it burns. The bottom of his back hurts and he rubs his wrists against the chains faster, wanting to please die soon.

It continues on and on and Light can't take it at all. He focuses harder on trying to kill himself but he gives up on slitting his wrists and moves to bang his head against the headboard of the bed. He does this multiple times until the man grabs the chain going around his throat and jerks his head away from the headboard, laying his head on the soft bed so he can't hurt himself.

"Do that again and I'll hurt you myself," the man says warningly. Light cries out harder and gasps for breath between his sobbing. It's getting harder and harder to breathe and Light's past the point of wanting to die. He's at the point of begging God himself to kill him. "Just," he gasps and sniffs, "kill me." 

After what feels like another hour, the man finally gives a gutteral shout of pleasure and the burning inside Light becomes hotter. The man pulls out which proves to be painful and they both collapse on the bed. The man gets up, takes the blindfold off of Light (who can't see his face between his tears,) and leaves. 

And Light wants to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contrary to how it may seem, this stuff is actually triggering for me too. I write this stuff because it's essential to dealing with the aftermath. I write for the aftermath; not the actual rape itself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting the next chapter, there will be no full on rape scenes. However, there will be flashbacks. If any of this triggers you, please turn back while you can.

Twenty minutes after being raped, another man comes in, pulls his pants down, and does the same. Light finds himself in another process of crying, breaking even more, and begging for death. Light grows accustomed to crying in front of L and he can handle it when he isn't thinking about it. 

L doesn't have the ability to do anything. He's chained into a position where he's stuck watching what's happening to Light. He finds his eyes glued to the traumatizing event, remembering every man who comes in and rapes Light so he can bring justice upon them. 

They just keep coming. It's like a pimping business where they're renting out Light against his will. When Light doesn't do what they want him to do, they beat the shit out of him. The longest break he gets is a one hour break before more people are at it. His tears run dry and he continues making little useless cuts to his wrists, the only thing holding him together. 

L attempts to speak to him, to see how his mental state is doing. But Light is doing so bad that the best reply he can give are a few strangled noises of pain. The door opens and this time, it's different. A group comes in and a few are holding guns.

They point their guns at Light to force him to do things like ride them or suck them off without biting. Light wants to die but he doesn't want to get shot and live again. He's traumatized from the gunshots earlier and he'll be damned if he's shit again.

The pain from the shots in his legs are only defined by the men making him ride them. If he's going to be raped every day, he's going to be raped without extra pain like sore legs. It's the conclusion he's had to come to. He doesn't know how long he'll be here, getting violated.

He's still keen on finding a way to commit suicide so until he dies, he needs to make this as painless as possible. But the days pass. And nothing gets better. Light cries sometimes, especially when the pain is particularly bad. Light isn't the one keeping track of time. 

The pain knocks his sense of time out of balance so L keeps track. "Five days," says L when Light wakes up. It feels like it's been a month. Light and L find a strange sort of comfort in having each other around. As terrible as things are they could be worse. They could be alone.

With L keeping track of Light's mental state and Light's condition making L grateful he's not him, they keep each other's snaity. What's left of it, anyway. Every day, L reminds Light that Watari will get them out. And even though the chances of them being rescued are high, they don't know when it will happen.

It could be months, although with the people Watari is likely working with, there isn't a very high chance it'll take that long. Watari is probably working with the kids at Wammy's. It won't take that long for them to find them but that doesn't make what's happening to Light any better.

Light's mental state gets worse and worse. He's beyond suffering and all he wants is for the pain to go away. He wants to stop being used and he feels like a cum dumpster. 

Until finally, one day - Light doesn't know which - they hear voices outside the door as well as gunshots. Then, the door bursts open and Light rolls his head to see men at the door - police officers - coming to get Light and L out of their chains.

Light is naked and covered in semen, bruises, a few gunshot wounds, and cuts on his wrists. The only physical signs L shows to having been locked up are the gunshot wounds and the sore places where he was chained up. His mind, however, is covered with cuts and he can only imagine how damaged Light's mind is.

The next few hours are a huge daze. They're taken from the building, delivered to a hotel that Watari had called in so the police won't know they're real location, and Light is given clothes. Light lays on his hotel bed as if he's still chained to the bed at the sex trafficers' location. 

After an hour of staring at the ceiling in shock, Light gets up and walks fast to the bathroom. For the next three hours, he does nothing but shower in a hot, red skin inducing, painful sauna. L checks on him every ten minutes to make sure his suspect - no, Light - won't commit suicide.

Light says nothing about it because he's been through worse than simply being watched while taking a shower. When Light is done, L calls for Watari and they are transported to the headquarters. Soichiro Yagami is happy to see his son back but deeply saddened to see that his son looks nothing like his son.

Who is this imposter, walking around in his son's body? Who is this boy who looks like a shell of his former self? He doesn't even look into his own father's eyes. What's happened to him? Watari already gave the Task Force the details but they didn't prepare him enough for what he is seeing.

Soichiro moves forward to hug his son but Light flinches backwards almost painfully fast and for the first time, he looks into his father's eyes. Not out of hope or in an apology or even out of spite. He looks into his father's eyes to gauge his reaction; to see his intentions, fearful of what the man will do next.

Soichiro's eyes are the saddest L's seen in any case in a long time. He truly cares for his son and seeing his son in such a way is so painful, it hurts his own heart. Soichiro gasps, clutches his hands to his chest, and takes in deep breaths. 

The Task Force move fast and he's taken the hospital immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The heart attack may have seemed to come on suddenly and, believe me, I thought of that, going so far as to berate myself for it. But I decided that that's how things work in life. Life works by hit after hit, relentlessly hurting you until you can barely stand. That's what's happening to Light right now. It's as if life is turning against him completely.


	4. Tired

Light's time at the hospital is all a daze and when he gets back to the Headquarters, L decides to put him on a suicide watch, meaning they'll be chained together even longer so that Light doesn't hurt himself. Light doesn't argue with this. Doesn't argue with anything.

He just lays in bed and sleeps. 

L doesn't bother Light while he's sleeping. He believes it's reasonable to give him a few days for the shock of everything that's happened to him to kick in before working on helping to put him back together. Light's proven that he's not Kira currently by letting the men who violated him live. 

It would be helpful to fix Light so that he could be in his top condition to help find the current Kira. He's too broken to be in top shape right now. After a few days of just sleep and a few gulps of water, L tries getting Light out of bed only for there to be much resistance. He planned on this happening so he goes with plan B and when his and Watari's most trusted counselor and psychologist comes, Watari directs her to the bedroom. 

L greets the woman - Jen - and asks her to take a seat. The only chair in the room is positioned next to Light's bed thanks to L. Jen has a gentle, soothing voice when she talks to who she assumes is Light. "Hello. My name is Jen. I assume you're Light?" 

No answer but that's okay; she wasn't expecting one. "Do you think you could sit up for me?" Light opens his eyes and looks at her numbly. He doesn't answer but she knows from his expression that he won't sit up for her. "That's fine," she says with a smile, "we can just talk in the position you're at right now."

Light closes his eyes again. He doesn't show it but he's listening. "So, we're going to start you off on a medicine for PTSD nightmares as L here has told me you've been getting awful nightmares from your experiences." Light doesn't even think about glaring at L. 

"The medicine I'm going to give you is called Prazosin. Take it before you go to sleep and it should stop your nightmares. Okay? Since that's all I really know about your condition, that's the only medication I'll give you for now." She gets up. "Looks like we've covered everything I wanted to talk with you about for today. I'll see you again next week. It's nice to meet you." 

She smiles at Light even though he can't see it and leaves the room. 

Light doesn't dislike this "Jen." He just doesn't want to talk about his problems to anyone at all. And he won't. He thinks she'll be surprised by how stubborn he can be and will eventually give up on him. That's how he wants things to go, anyways. He's also aware of the fact that L's the one who had her brought in which means she'll be hard to annoy. 

But, he thinks, he'll win in the end. That aside, he doesn't mind taking medicine. Especially the medicine for his nightmares. He thought he'd kept a perfect poker face when waking up from his nightmares in front of L so how did the man know he was having bad dreams? 

It doesn't matter and there's no need to panic, he tells himself. Just because L read him 9bce doesn't mean he can read him 24/7. In fact, he'd bet that L can't even see into his mind which is why he hired someone more skilled in counseling to try to learn about him.

Light feels awful. Why does he have to feel so awful? What is the universe punishing him for? First, he's accused of being Kira, the world's biggest serial killer and after that, he's raped continuously for days that seem like months. What had he ever done to deserve this?

His mind is so dark that the world itself has physically gone from looking vibrant to looking dull. He's heard that depression makes the world look less vibrant to the eyes of the depressed. Is depression the reason the world looks less vibrant than usual? He isn't sure.

Light keeps his eyes closed until he falls back to sleep. 

L sighs. Light not wanting to move even a single bit means that L had been confined in their room for four days now. He's worked weeks without leaving a room before but the room has a sad feel to it because of Light's deteriorating mental health. If Light doesn't get up soon, he's going to have to drag him to the living room himself so they can get back to working on the Kira case.

Two more days pass and L decides he really needs a shower. He gets up off of his bed and makes his way to Light who is also probably in need of a shower. He puts his hand on Light's shoulder and immediately, Light's arm swings at him. The teen sits up and scoots himself as far away from L as possible onto his bed. 

When he realizes it's just L, a visible sigh of relief escapes his lips. With Light sitting up for the first time in days, L can't help but wonder if this means progress for Light or degression. Light recovers from his panic after a few minutes of deep breaths and feels adrenaline pumping through him.

For the first time in days, he has energy to get up. "Would you like to take a shower, Light-kun?" Asks L. Light nods his head slowly. He might as well since he has the energy to for once. L patiently waits for Light to get up and lets him take his shower first. 

Watari brings two pairs of clothes, one pair for each of them. 

While Light's in the shower, he realizes just how physically dirty he feels and when he removes his clothes, he sees leftover bruises on his skin. When he gets into the shower, he scrubs his bruises over and over again, making the bruises even worse. He doesn't care if the bruises get worse. He just wants to feel clean. 

The pain from the bruises makes him feel more cleansed. 

L waits for Light outside the door for fifteen minutes. The fifteen minutes soon become half an hour and L knows what he's doing. This happens often in cases of those who've been raped. They clean themselves obsessively because they feel dirty. 

L doesn't know when he should stop it. Obviously, he doesn't want the boy to scrub himself so much that he gets hurt so when the time hits 35 minutes since Light went in the shower, L knocks on the bathroom door softly so as not to scare him and opens it a crack so Light can hear his voice.

Steam hits Light's face and it's obvious Light is burning himself with much too hot water. "It's been over half an hour, Light. Thirty-five minutes to be exact. Is Light-kun ok?" Light tries to hide that he was hurting himself with his calm voice but L already knows and Light's calm voice won't convince him otherwise.

Light takes 5 more minutes in the shower to try to make it seem like he's not in a panic to get out after L calls him out for taking too long. Then, he quickly gets dressed, not wanting to look at his disgusting body for more than he has to, and leaves the bathroom. L gives him a knowing look when he leaves the bathroom and he knows he's screwed. 

L takes ten minutes to shower and L convinces Light to go to their shared living room when he's done. Light doesn't agree at first but after some convincing on L's part, they eventually go to the living room. Light sits -no, lays- on the couch while L enjoys working on cases within a new environment. 

Light lays on the couch, consumed with thoughts of needing more pain. He tries pressing down on his bruises without L seeing but he's too panicked to do that without looking suspicious so he stops. He needs to cut himself. He absolutely needs to. Or he needs to punch himself. Either way, he needs pain.

When L finishes his two cases, it's time to go to bed and Light has to take that Prazosin. He isn't sure how he feels about it so he just swallows it down without thinking about it too much and goes to bed. 

Three more days pass and Light's bruises are larger, all the while it's become common for him to shower for thirty minutes. He's now tired of being tired and needs to do something. He agrees to go back to the Task Force with L to work on the Kira Case.


End file.
